Many men in Sweden are single unwillingly, which can lead to mental health issues – and in worst case scenarios, suicide. Daring to date is one way to stop the loneliness, says Christoffer Strokirk, the force behind RFSU’s new dating guide for men.
A new dating guide for men from RFSU was released this past December. The interest for practical dating advice is strong. The dating guide has received not only record-high press coverage but even resulted in dedicated threads in forums such as Reddit and Flashback, a good indication that the tips have been well-received by the target group. And now the dating guide has been translated into English.
Why is a dating guide especially for men needed?
“Women generally have an easier time talking about feelings and sex with each other, while male gender norms remain firmly entrenched,” says Christoffer Strokirk, who has met a lot of young men in his previous role as a school liaison officer for RFSU Stockholm.
Everyone needs to be able to express needs around sexuality, bodies and relationships. But for men, norms on how a man “should be” get in the way. Which also means that it isn’t as easy for men to talk about these topics.
Young men are less likely to seek support at youth centers – only 10-12 percent of visitors at Swedish youth centers are young men. A number of sources indicate that loneliness among young adults is rising, especially among young men.
Feeling secure about dating can be the first step away from loneliness, particularly for those who are unsure in social situations, says Christoffer Strokirk.
“The guide is part of a larger initiative to reduce mental illness in men and prevent suicide, which RFSU is conducting on behalf of the Public Health Agency of Sweden.”
Meeting young men on their own turf
Christoffer Strokirk has been involved in and developed dating schools at gaming and cosplay conventions across Sweden.
“I’ve been going to gaming events since I was a young teenager, and I think they are good places to meet young men. There we can reach guys who maybe wouldn’t otherwise visit the kinds of leisure venues where RFSU is already established, such as youth clubs and music festivals.”
At the dating schools, participants answer questions anonymously via their cell phones, through the Mentimeter app. This has proven to be an effective way to find out how young men feel before a date.
“This material became an important basis for the dating guide, which was launched last year at the gaming convention Dreamhack,” says Christoffer Strokirk.
A straightforward, clear-cut and thoughtful guide
The dating guide is divided into three parts: before, during and after the date.
The first part includes tips on how to create a dating profile, write a first message and ask someone out – and also how to prepare in practical terms for a date. For example: take a shower, use deodorant and check to see if anything needs trimming, cutting or plucking.
Another practical piece of advice is to be prepared with condoms if you think the date could lead to sex.
“For those who are used to dating, the advice may seem obvious,” says Christoffer Strokirk. “But for someone who has never been on a date, anxiety can easily take over – in that case, the manual can provide a sense of security.
“When we ask young men who they talk about these kinds of things with, the answer is often: my mom. That’s why we have tried to serve as the safe adult in our advice – straightforward, clear-cut and thoughtful.”
The dating guide also contains suggestions on questions to ask during a date and advice on how to move on if a relationship ends. It finishes with tips on where to turn to for more support, for example in the case of mental illness.
“Everyone needs relationships in order to feel good, but many think it’s difficult. We want to spread enthusiasm and confidence with practical tips on what you can think about if you’re looking to start a new relationship,” says Christoffer Strokirk.
Record-high interest from the press
When the dating guide was launched, the news received record-high media coverage. Since its publication on rfsu.se, the press release has had more than 14,000 downloads – double the number of downloads of RFSU’s most read pages during the same period.
The manual has been covered by Sveriges Television News, many radio stations as well as local and national daily newspapers such as Göteborgs-Posten, Aftonbladet and Skånes Folkblad. Christoffer Strokirk has even been a guest on the popular Sveriges Television talk show Skavlan, in an episode on dating.